World Spins Madly On
by Toria-Phoenix
Summary: He was dying. He had to be. His heart was broken, and any doctor could tell you that you can’t live without a heart. JDA, Character death, minor JD/Cox.


**Title: **World Spins Madly On

**Author:** ToriaPhoenix

**Pairing:** A bit of JD/Dr. Cox, but not the central focus of the story.

**Rating: **PG

**Warnings:** JDA, two character deaths, cursing.

**Summary: **He was dying. He _had_ to be. His heart was broken, and any doctor could tell you that you can't live without a heart.

**Authors Note:** So. I'm obsessed with Scrubs, and depressing though it may be, this idea wouldn't leave me alone. I strongly suggest listening to "World Spins Madly On", by The Weepies, as it provided much of the inspiration for this story.

- - - -

"Bambi, you know I love you, but this is getting ridiculous."

JD jolted slightly as Carla's voice broke through the thick haze that was his daydreaming. As his eyes refocused, he realized she was waving a file at him, frowning disapprovingly.

JD blinked at her. "Do you think Sammy would like a pet dinosaur for Christmas?"

"He might, if they weren't extinct." She said wryly. JD rolled his eyes.

"Well it'd be a robot dinosaur, _obviously_ Carla." He said matter-of-factly.

"Bambi, you only have half an hour before you're off. You think you could stay with us here in reality until then?" Carla said pointedly, though a small smile had made its way onto her face.

JD smiled apologetically, and grabbed the folder from Carla's hands.

"Sorry Carla. I'm a million miles away from here… With Kim and Sammy coming down for Christmas, it's all I've been thinking about. It's his first Christmas. I want it to be perfect, but it's not even a week until Christmas and I still don't have his gift." He rambled.

"I'm sure you'll come up with something JD," She said warmly. "Until then, how about you go take care of your patients?"

JD nodded, and hopped off the counter at the nurse's station.

As he made his rounds, gift ideas spun around in his head.

'_A video game?'_ JD mused, before quickly dismissing it. '_Nah. He can't even sit up on his own, so how would he be able to defeat Krogan and his army of misfit dwarfs? A movie? Eh. Too generic. A book? Too boring…'_

As the possibilities flew through his head, JD failed to notice the pair of sharp eyes following his every move.

A shrill whistle brought him out of his reverie.

"Golly gee Molly, I know you're just pleased as punch to get out of this hell-hole and go home to your lesbian lover and your sperm-donor child, and I feel for you, I really do if the hormones are racing and your heart's all a flutter, but could ya possibly _try_ not to kill your patients until you go home?" Dr. Cox said. JD turned to him inquisitively.

"Dr. Cox, what should I get Sammy for Christmas?" He asked. Dr. Cox opened his mouth to reply, but JD swiftly cut him off. "And don't say, 'a pair of testicles, cause it's oh-so-obvious that neither of his mommy's had a set to pass down'." He added warningly.

Surprisingly enough, Dr. Cox only seemed to grin at this.

"Well gosh Delilah, if you can't just read me like a book! I suppose this means I oughta make an honest woman out of you and marry ya, but I re-he-heally am not ready for that kinda commitment, no matter how sassy you may be."

"I'm serious!" JD persisted as he ducked his head, praying that the blush on his cheeks was unnoticeable, fearing his mentor's reaction.

'_Now Clarabell, I now you just can't resist the big, bad teacher, but re-he-heally, can you keep those gosh darn feelings bottled up inside? I mean really Liza, a small-town girl like you will never catch a big-city fish like me, so why don't you give it up?'_

It wasn't that JD was gay or something, because he wasn't. He was straight, he just… happened to be a bit infatuated with his mentor. It wasn't hero worship, and it wasn't just a crush… but it was _something_. JD could feel it building between them every day, and he _knew_ Dr. Cox felt it too. He saw it in the long glances the other doctor would give him; in the way that Dr. Cox constantly singled him out in some fashion or another.

He swallowed, trying to get his brain back on track.

"What did you get Jack for his first Christmas?" He said, hoping his pause hadn't been noticeable.

"If I remember right, I bought him a toy car, so Jordan tells me," Cox said. "Newbie, your kid isn't even a year old. He won't even know what's going on, so why make a big deal about it?" He asked, studying JD closely, who promptly flushed under the scrutiny.

"I want it to be perfect for him, even if he doesn't remember it," JD said truthfully.

"Living vicariously through your son, eh Newbie?" Cox said, grinning.

"So what if I am?" JD asked defensively. "I'm celebrating Christmas with family for the first time in years. Why shouldn't I be excited?"

"Jinkies Daphne, you better not let the other Scoobies hear you say that! It just might break their little hearts."

JD rolled his eyes. "I shouldn't have expected you to understand." He muttered, brushing past Cox.

A shrill whistle stopped him seconds later.

"What?" JD asked sharply, turning around to stare at his mentor, who was staring after him thoughtfully.

"Say Newbie, why don't you just give the kid a stuffed animal? If your son's going to be half as girly as you, he's going to have to love fluffy soft things." Despite the sarcastic tone of voice, JD saw that Cox was really making an effort. JD gave him a half smile.

"Thanks." He said simply, walking away.

_ - _ - _ - _ - _

JD sat on the couch of the apartment, twiddling his thumbs anxiously. Kim and Sammy would be there any minute.

A swift knock had JD leaping off the couch and rushing to the door. He hastily unlocked the door and threw it open. On the other side were Kim and Sammy. JD beamed.

Kim smiled tiredly at him, arms full of bags and the baby carrier. JD quickly grabbed her bags, and hauled them inside.

"How was the trip?" He asked, grinning down at the baby carrier.

"Great." Kim said flatly. "He slept the whole way."

It was only then that JD took a closer look at Kim. She looked… awful. There were dark bags under her eyes, and her hair seemed greasy, and tangled, as though she hadn't showered in days.

"Are you… alright Kim?" He asked unsurely, picking up his son from the carrier, who cooed happily. JD smiled.

Kim smiled thinly.

"I've been better." She said.

JD nodded, and held his son a little tighter. Kim's eyes dropped to their son and smiled, though it didn't quite reach her eyes.

"Alrighty then." JD said awkwardly, and the subject was dropped.

_ - _ - _ - _ - _

The rest of the day seemed to fly by. JD took Sammy to the park, though Kim had begged off by claiming she needed sleep. In JD's opinion, it was probably for the better. Something about Kim was unnerving him. In the back of his mind, a shrill bell warned him that _something_ was off, but JD dismissed it, reminding himself she _was_ the mother of his child.

After the park, JD took Sammy to _Build-A-Bear, _and let him pick out the stuffed animal he wanted. Well, technically, Sammy just gurgled the whole time, but JD liked to think it was a sign of happy-overdose.

When the pair got back to the apartment, the sun was just beginning to set. JD sighed happily as he gazed down at his son. He entered the apartment, and took Sammy out of his stroller, taking care not wake the infant.

He frowned when he realized Kim still wasn't up and around, and in the back of his mind, the shrill bell grew louder.

He sighed.

"Come on Sammy." JD murmured, cradling the baby in his arms. "Let's get your dinner ready." JD smoothly grabbed the full bottle from the diaper bag, and stuck it in the microwave for fifteen seconds. He was sitting on the couch feeding Sammy when he heard the bedroom door crack open. He turned, and sure enough Kim stumbled out.

Despite her sleeping for at least five hours, her haggard appearance hadn't improved in the slightest. If anything, her eyes seemed glassier. JD frowned.

"Morning sleepy head. Feeling better?" JD chimed, trying to lighten the tension that swallowed the room. Kim simply nodded, and went to sit beside him.

Silence filled the room, and JD shifted uncomfortably.

"So…" JD said.

"What would have happened if we hadn't had Sammy?" Kim asked abruptly. JD spun in his seat toward her. "I mean," she continued, eyed glazed over as she stared at Sam, "what if I had never gotten pregnant? Would we still be dating? Engaged? If we hadn't had him, I mean." She rambled, raising her eyes to meet JD's.

JD felt a cold fear prickling at his neck, but he brushed it aside.

"Um… I really don't know Kim… I mean… no, I never planned to have a kid at this point in my life but…" JD ran a finger over Sammy's face affectionately. Sammy fussed, and wriggled around in JD's grip. JD looked back to Kim, who watched him, enthralled. "I wouldn't trade him for anything. I can't imagine life without him… he's beautiful. I never thought it was possible to love someone so much…" JD finished, tone growing softer with affection.

Kim smiled weakly. "Well that's nice JD." She said.

JD nodded.

"Well… um. I'm going to go back to bed. Are you…"

"I'll sleep on the couch." JD offered immediately. Kim reached for Sam, and JD's grip tightened on the baby. "Um, actually, I was thinking Sam could sleep with me, out here."

Kim tilted her head, but her arms remained raised. "The cribs in your room." She said. "I can't sleep without Sammy." There was something off about her tone, but the warm smile on her face washed it away. JD glanced down at Sam, then back up at Kim, whose arms were still up expectantly. He looked down at his son, and swallowed. After a moment of internal arguing, JD kissed his son's forehead.

"I love you Sammy." He whispered. "Sleep well."

He handed him to Kim.

As the bedroom door clicked shut, JD tried not to overanalyze the sudden paralyzing fear that was ravaging his gut. Kim was a good mother. She would _never _hurt Sam. He had no reason to worry.

Still, the nagging feeling in his gut wouldn't go away, and it kept JD awake for what seemed like forever.

_ - _ - _ - _ - _

It was around 3:00 A.M when he heard the water in the bathroom turn on. JD had been drifting in and out of an uneasy sleep all night, where even the slightest sound made him jumpy, so when the water turned on, the queasy feeling that JD had pushed away returned full force.

'_Calm down. She's just using the restroom._ _She could be washing her face, her hands… something.'_

When he heard Sammy let out an agitated cry, JD jumped up from his bed and ran to the door of the bedroom. Twisting the knob, he cursed when he found it locked. All the while, Sammy kept on wailing.

"Kim? Kim, open up… Kim, OPEN THE DOOR!"

Suddenly the wailing stopped, and JD's heart stopped with it.

"DAMNIT KIM, OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR!" JD yelled, ramming into it, but still not any closer to getting in the room. He backed up, to the other side of the living room, and ran full force at the door. As soon as he slammed into it, a white-hot pain seared through him, and as the door swung open, JD collapsed on the ground, flying several feet forward from his momentum. His head hit the floor with a resounding _crack_, and JD winced. There was something sticky against his cheek, and JD lifted his fingers to scrape away something red… blood.

"Fuck." He muttered.

The doctor in him told him he could have head trauma, and should stay still, but the father in him screamed for him to get to his son.

The father side won.

He took a deep breath. Bracing himself, he pushed himself upwards. He had to get to Sammy. He stumbled towards the bathroom, which was thankfully, unlocked. He threw the door open, and gasped.

There was Sammy, in the bathtub, only the water was well above his head, and he didn't look like he was… JD screamed, and raced forward to grab him out of the water.

His fingers shakily tried to find a pulse, and he sobbed when he couldn't find one.

"JD…"

JD glanced sharply up, and for the first time, saw Kim, huddled in the corner, covered in blood… from her wrists, he realized, seeing the bloody discarded razor on the ground.

"What have you done?" He whispered, horrified.

"I'm sorry!" She said weakly, as JD scrambled to find her cell phone. Still cradling Sammy in his arms, he found Kim's cell phone on the bedside stand, and quickly dialed 911.

"911, what's your emergency?" The operator asked.

"My ex-girlfriend slit her wrists, and drowned our child." JD croaked out, tears blurring his vision.

"What's your address sir?" The operator asked smoothly, barely missing a beat.

JD spouted off the address, but then it all left his mind. He had to help Sammy. He ran back to the bathroom so he could have some light, and quickly began infant CPR.

Since infants had smaller lungs, it took them less time to drown then the minute it took adults... It only took twenty seconds for an infant to drown, and Sammy had been in the water for at least two minutes…

JD was in the middle of doing compressions on Sammy with his two index fingers when Kim began to speak.

"I didn't mean too. I've been on depression meds, and I guess they conflicted with each other…" She stammered.

"How many are you on?" JD asked sharply, still doing compressions.

"Fi-five. I'm on five different meds."

"Fuck." JD cursed.

"It's not that I don't love our son-"

"Shut up. Just shut up Kim!" JD snarled, dipping his head down to breathe two puffs of air into Sammy's mouth, then resuming compressions.

It was minutes later that the paramedics burst in. Kim was loaded onto a stretcher, Sammy was yanked out of JD's arms, and JD was pushed none to gently towards the ambulance. He could only watch in horror as the paramedics failed to revive his son, and as they pulled up to Sacred Heart Hospital, JD prayed it wasn't to late.

_ - _ - _ - _ - _

JD was paralyzed as he stood watching through a glass window as two doctors hovered around his son, trying to save him. The world seemed to stop turning as one of the doctors looked up, and shook his head. The nurse in the room nodded, shooting a sympathetic glance out the window towards JD.

'_No.'_ He thought desperately. '_No… this can't be it. No.'_

The doctors seemed to simultaneously pull of their medical gloves, and the older looking doctor walked out the door, and put a steady hand on JD's shoulder. The non-hysterical part of his brain that was still somewhat working told him that it was Dr. Carlson, an attending, who had on occasion played basketball with JD and Turk on his breaks.

"Dr. Dorian…" Carlson began, looking grim. "JD. I'm sorry. There was nothing we could do… nothing _you_ could have done. The amount of water inhalation was too great." He paused, looking truly remorseful. "I'm so sorry for your loss."

In that instant, JD's heart felt like it was being fed to a paper shredder. His eyes burned, but no tears would come. His mouth was open, but no sound came out. He couldn't _breathe_. He was dying, he _had_ to be… It hurt too much for him to live after this…

'_My heart's broken, and you can't live without a heart.'_ JD thought wildly as he collapsed, knees slamming against the ground despite Dr. Carlson's attempt to keep him up.

An agonized wail suddenly echoed through the halls, and JD realized with sudden clarity that it was him the sound had come from.

"Can't breathe." JD choked out, and he was vaguely aware of Dr. Carlson calling for a gurney and assistance before he fell into blissful unconsciousness.

_ - _ - _ - _ - _

"-alright, just mild head trauma, and he sprained his arm. I imagine he'll be-"

"-my poor Bambi. How could she-"

"-knows? The autopsy showed she was on-"

JD groaned, and the voices around him immediately silenced.

'_Good.'_ He thought dazedly. He really wanted sleep.

"Vanilla Bear? Can you hear me?" A voice near his ear asked loudly. JD groaned in reply, and slowly opened his eyes. The light was too bright, and JD immediately closed them again. Blinking a few times, his vision adjusted, and he sighed in relief.

Circled around him were Turk, Carla, Elliot, and Dr. Mickhead.

"Chocolate Bear?' JD croaked, eyes focusing on his best friend. "What's going on?"

Dr. Mickhead glanced at the other three. "I'll leave you four alone. Page me if any… complications arise." He said quietly, before leaving the room.

A heavy silence filled the room, and JD tilted his head curiously.

"Bambi…" Carla said thickly, and when JD looked at her, he was surprised to find that her eyes were red and puffy. A quick glance around the room showed Elliot to be in the same condition, while Turk looked like he was going to be sick.

"What do you remember JD?" Turk asked, cutting off his wife.

'I… I was…" Suddenly Sam's cold, blue face flashed in the front of his mind, and JD choked. "I… Sammy. Kim. Oh God." JD was going to be sick, except he didn't have anything to throw up, so instead all that came out were dry heaves.

Turk rushed to him, rubbing his back reassuringly, murmuring quiet nothings. A loud sob filled the room, and suddenly Elliot was on his other side, hugging him as best as she could, her tears falling on JD's hospital gown.

Carla had begun crying as well, though she remained by JD's feet, her small hand gently touching his foot.

When his heaving ceased, JD leaned back on the bed, closing his eyes. After a few minutes of listening to his friends quiet sniffling, he spoke.

"Kim?" He asked quietly.

"She… Dead. She lost too much blood, the cuts were to deep." Carla said, sniffling again. There was a hesitant knock at the door, and four sets of eyes turned to see a nervous looking police officer in the doorway.

"Um… I realize this isn't the best time, but we really need to get a statement from Dr. Dorian."

Turk took a step forward, glaring, as if to protect JD.

"Seriously dude? It can wait." He said lowly. JD shook his head.

"It's okay Chocolate Bear. I'm okay." JD said, but his voice was hollow, empty, and no one believed him.

The police officer stepped forward, and cleared his throat. "Could you tell me what happened?" He asked. JD shut his eyes tightly.

"Um… yeah. I… I was sleeping on the couch when I heard the water in the bathroom turn on. I thought there was something off about it, cause, who showers at 3:00 A.M?" JD said, voice trembling. "Um. I heard Sa…I heard Sammy start crying, so I ran to the door and tried to open it, but it was locked, so I started ramming the door. When it finally opened, I went to the bathroom, and he… he was in the bathtub, and the water was over his head, and he… he… I pulled him out, but he was so… blue." JD's eyes burned, but still, no tears fell. He took a shuddering breath, and Elliot pulled him a little closer to him.

"I called 911, then went back in the bathroom. Kim was there too. She had slit her wrists… said she didn't mean to hurt him, that she loved him, but I wasn't really listening cause I was doing CPR on Sammy, but he wouldn't… he wasn't moving and…" He choked a bit, and Turk grabbed his hand reassuringly as he turned to glare at the officer.

"Well?" Turk demanded. "Do you have what you need? Can you go upset other patients now?"

"Turk…" Carla murmured, putting her free hand on his shoulder. Instantly Turk deflated, and turned back to JD.

"Thank you for your time." The officer said quietly. "I'm sorry for your loss." His quiet footsteps signaled his departure, and JD stared blankly at the doorway.

"I need…" JD said, and his friends turned to look at him. "I need to send my mom and brother a cake…" His friends stared on blankly, and JD. "It should be chocolate. Sammy liked chocolate."

Elliot let out another loud sob, and leaned down to bury her head in his shoulder.

He wasn't sure how long they sat like that in silence, with the occasional sniffle or sob, but it felt like forever. A small part of him noted how nice it was that his friends understood his need for silence, but another part hated it. It reminded him too much of lying on the couch, ignoring the shrill bells warning him that something was _wrong_. God, it was his fault…

He looked up through the glass, and suddenly Dr. Cox was standing there. His icy eyes were bloodshot as he stared in at JD. JD stared right back. Still, Dr. Cox made no move to enter the room. He just stared.

Then he turned, and walked away.

A small tear trickled down JD's cheek, but he hastily wiped it away.

_ - _ - _ - _ - _

In typical California fashion, the day of Kim and Sam's funerals was sunny and bright. It was two days until Christmas, and JD was dead.

Not physically, but in every other way that mattered. His heart was gone, and he couldn't live without it. Couldn't live without his Sammy.

Carla and Turk sat on either side of him, their arms wrapped around his shoulders, as though to anchor him, to provide some comfort, but it was futile. JD had never felt so alone.

The funeral was small. Only JD, his close friends, and Kim's family arrived for the ceremony and burial. Dan hadn't been able to make it, but the reasoning for his absence escaped JD's memory at the moment.

Even Dr. Cox had gone, but Jordan wasn't by his side for some reason. Still, it all seemed so trivial. Condolences were given, and pleasantries were exchanged, but JD was far away from all of it.

As the funeral ended, JD sat frozen in his seat, staring at the open grave. Kim and Sammy were right next to each other. Kim's mother had wanted them buried together, but JD had adamantly refused. It wasn't right.

He was vaguely aware of cars leaving, but JD still remained frozen. It was only when a familiar suit blocked his view did JD's eyes leave the graves, and rise to meet a pair of blue eyes.

Dr. Cox shifted uncomfortably in front of JD. His mouth opened, but all that came out was a burst of air. After staring at JD for a few minutes, Dr. Cox hesitantly put his hand on JD's shoulder, and gave a small squeeze. Then, he walked away.

JD didn't care.

He was far away from all of it.

_ - _ - _ - _ - _

He had been sitting on the couch for two days. Just sitting. Listening. He heard Carla and Turk's murmured arguments of what he needed. Time, Carla said. Attention, affection, said Turk. They were both wrong though.

What he _needed _was Sammy, but that was the one thing he couldn't have. So instead, he clutched the small teddy bear he had gotten Sam for Christmas to his chest, desperate for any connection to his son.

On Christmas, both Carla and Turk were working, in hopes of making a little extra cash so they could buy a home for their budding family, not that they said anything of the sort to JD, who stayed on the couch. Elliot came over to sit with him for a few hours, but she had to leave for work as well.

JD was alone.

He didn't even notice when the door creaked open, and hesitant footsteps entered. The couch he was sitting on seemed to shift, and JD looked over, and was slightly stunned to see Dr. Cox sitting next to him, staring straight ahead.

They sat like that for a few minutes before Dr. Cox spoke.

"How ya holdin up there Pricilla?" He asked gruffly.

JD shrugged. Dr. Cox sighed.

"Would… would you like a hug?"

JD snorted. Dr. Cox looked startled for a minute, then his gaze dropped and he swore softly.

"I'm sorry JD. I know I should've been one of the first people to see you… to check on you…" He stopped, and cleared his throat. "I didn't know what to say… how to help you. JD…" He made a soft choking sound. He turned to JD, and the younger man was startled at the intensity in his mentor's eyes. "Tell me how to help you JD."

JD shook his head.

"JD, please, talk to me." Dr. Cox said, and there was a hint of desperation in his words. JD stared at him, and his eyes burned.

"I… I want to die." He finally said, voice hollow. Dr. Cox shook his head.

"No." He said lowly. "No Newbie. Don't think like that. Don't be like her."

"Why not?" JD asked hysterically. "I just wanted to watch my son grow up, and she took that away from me. She took the easy way out, but I'm not allowed to?" JD twisted the teddy bear in his hands.

"No JD, you're not. You're better then that. And if you weren't here, I wouldn't… I couldn't go on Newbie." And Dr. Cox just looked so sincere, so desperate, that JD believed him. He wasn't sure whether to laugh, or cry, or punch him, or… or…

JD leaned forward and pressed his lips tremblingly up against Dr. Cox's. The older doctor stiffened, and pulled away, staring at JD incredulously.

"Newbie-" He said, voice shaking slightly. JD shook his head, and kissed him again. Dr. Cox stayed frozen against his lips, as if afraid to move. JD nibbled on Dr. Cox's bottom lip, not feeling even a hint of satisfaction when the other let out a soft moan.

"JD..." Dr. Cox murmured between kisses, and then went rigid. He grabbed at JD's shoulders, and gently pushed him away. He studied JD intently, blue eyes swirling with emotion. He opened his mouth to speak, but JD quickly cut him off.

"Please." JD said desperately. "I need this. I just need… I need to feel something other then… then _this_!" He threw his arms out in front of him. He turned to Dr. Cox, his gaze flickering down to the older doctors lips. He began to lean forward, but Dr. Cox ducked his head away.

"No JD." He said softly. "You don't want this… not like this."

JD dug his fingers tighter into the teddy bear, still tight in his grasp, until he was certain he would rip it in two.

"Yes I do." He whispered harshly. "And you want me too. I _know_ you do."

Dr. Cox shook his head. "Not like this Newbie." He said simply.

JD processed this for a moment.

"Then get out."

Dr. Cox furrowed his eyebrows. "What?"

"Get out." JD said, a little louder. "You asked how you can help me, and this is how. If you're not willing, then get out."

"I'm afraid I can't do that JD." Dr. Cox said, staring at him. JD trembled. He was on the edge of… of _something_, and he was so fucking scared to go there, and unless Dr. Cox left _now_, he would fall apart in front of him. Dr. Cox scooted closer to JD on the couch.

"Newbie…" He murmured. "It's okay. Let go." JD shook his head furiously, yet despite his best efforts, a tear slipped down his cheek. Dr. Cox raised an arm and gently rubbed his back. "Just let go JD." He whispered. "I'm not going anywhere, okay?" Dr. Cox pulled JD into his arms, so that JD's head was against Dr. Cox's chest.

With that, JD broke. Tears streamed down his face, and his body shook violently with everything he had been bottling up ever since Sam and Kim were declared dead. All the while, Dr. Cox remained holding him, a silent anchor through it all. He offered no cheap condolences, no meaningless reassurances that he would be all right some day. He simply held JD.

They sat like that for an hour or so, until JD's heaving sobs turned into small whimpers.

"I think I killed him." JD heard himself blurt out. Dr. Cox stiffened, his arms around JD tightening. "I knew there was something wrong with Kim, but I couldn't place what it was. That night I… I wanted to have Sammy out in the living room with me, but Kim said, she said she couldn't sleep without him, so I just handed him over. I… oh God, I killed him. I should have fought her harder, should've seen the signs…"

"Stop it JD." Dr. Cox said, and his voice was so cold, so angry, that JD shut his mouth and closed his eyes tightly. "How could you think this is your fault? It _isn't_ JD. Not even close. It was her decision, her actions. Even if you did think something was off, there was no way to know this would happen. She was his _mother_. You had no reason to suspect that she would ever hurt your child."

"But if I had just-"

"No." Dr. Cox cut him off sharply. "You're not going down that road. It wasn't your fault Newbie. Don't ever forget that."

JD swallowed. Though Dr. Cox's words had lifted some of the guilt off of JD, he knew that he'd never fully forgive himself for the rest of his life.

"I… I'm sorry for earlier Dr. Cox." JD said softly, knowing Dr. Cox would know what he meant without having to elaborate.

"Perry, JD. You can call me Perry." Dr. C- Perry said. JD nodded.

Perry sighed, and JD felt a pair of lips press lightly against his temple.

"What…?"

"If it had been a different time, a different situation JD..." Perry trailed off, and JD shivered. Perry's free hand rose, and gently began stroking JD's hair. JD sighed.

"I think I would've been a good dad." JD whispered. Perry inhaled sharply.

"JD, you were a _great_ dad." He said, voice cracking slightly, even as his arms tightened painfully around JD.

Safe in Perry's arms, JD hugged the teddy bear ever tighter against his chest.

_ - _ - _ - _ - _


End file.
